To some, vacation is a time of rest and refreshing.
To others, it may be a time to explore and visit new places, welcome new experiences, and make new friendships.
To this autism momma – it is typically a time of the unknown – trusting God with parts of her heart only He can comfort.
To the autism dad – it may be a time of putting aside one’s hopes and desires to meet the anxieties unknown that his child is facing (and for that, this dad is my superhero! ❤ )
This vacation was to be one to stretch not only us but all those in our path.
Sometimes, you walk a path and think it is for you, but you may not realize all the while, it is teaching those around the gifts that life holds if they only look for them.
Our 32-year-old son, Sam, has autism and is pretty much non-verbal. He has a “Talker” or assistive technology device to help him communicate. More often than not, though, his method of communication is to let out a loud yell and scare the pants off anyone who is within hearing of his voice!
This trip would be no different, as much as we prepared for it. Get ready to jump!! LOL! It will surely wake you up if you are sleeping, get your heart racing, and let you know you’re alive – sorry! But for real!
You sometimes can’t help the triggers.
Even though I know what so many of Sam’s triggers are – there is no way, in real-time, to remove them. And I don’t want to because I love children and puppies…I just want to ease my son’s anxiety and let others see the joy-filled young man I know is living on the inside of him.
This time, the triggers included:
*cute puppies, so innocent and small, but to this 160-pound young man, a threat triggered by his fear of dogs…
*little children…several of them…at one point, nine to be exact…nieces and nephews that Mom was so enjoying getting to know but to this young man posed a threat. They were quick, especially the littlest of them, and…unless they were sitting, yup, Sam wasn’t sitting either – nor were Mom & Dad. Dinner would be eaten between the ups and downs, whether they sat or not…
*phrases like “Watch out,” “Be careful,” and “It’s hot” – all innocent in themselves, but to this young man, words that meant someone might get hurt, and it wasn’t happening on Sam’s watch…(enter loud yell… which unbeknownst to him, could cause that very danger he’s worried about)…ugh…
How do you explain all this to an unsuspecting crowd? How do you help everyone feel at ease after being shaken to the core by a yell that shouts, “I have a voice, and though I have no words to put with it, help me figure it out!”
Sometimes, the explanation is grace-filled, with love and compassion. Mom shuffles with the words to explain and educate those around her. “This is our life with autism. Some things scare Sam; so far, this is his way of communicating. Imagine being unable to talk or tell the world what you want, feel, or need?”
Mom trying to comfort Sam and encourage him to use his “Talker” or device, but knowing in the heat of the moment, you’ve got to do some deep breathing, maybe walk into the other room and pray for peace over the situation, and try to ease the atmosphere. Dad taking him for a walk outside so everyone can relax for a few minutes.
Sometimes, embarrassment outweighs any rationale, and you hope the sky will open and beam all of you up, (“BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE”)…lol!
But seriously, sometimes I think God allows these times to let the body be the whole body – a family that loves EVERY part – even when they don’t understand and when it makes no sense.
I am so thankful to live in a day when we are not thrown away for not being perfect but can trust a loving, healing, comforting God to teach us the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (remember Galatians 5:22-23? NASB) I am also so thankful for such a loving family, both close and extended, who love well.
What if it wasn’t about the autism? What if it was an opportunity to look past that thing that frightens us, to see the heart inside? To welcome those others might not welcome?
Tonight, the stress passed – after the initial anxiety of 5 families coming together, ten adults, nine kiddos, two puppies… after a full belly with delicious food and amazing desserts…Sam’s smile came back. And…as three young cousins extended their arms to give Sam a hug, with such love…he hugged them back and glowed… Maybe it’s not about autism at all… maybe it’s because “love wins.” …
Love ya! ❤
SHEILA BOUCHARD 