One day this week, I found myself in the same hospital I unexpectedly visited three weeks ago.
You see, I have a daughter with Prader-Willi Syndrome, which is a rare genetic disorder. When she was diagnosed in 1985, she was 1 of 600 known cases. Now, according to Google, there are something like 350,000 people worldwide with PWS (or it affects 1 in 15,000 births). Individuals with PWS have an extremely high pain tolerance.
Thus, when Jessica told me with tears Monday night that her tummy was hurting her “8 out of 10”, I knew her pain was terrible and needed to have it checked out. Over the weekend, she had mentioned discomfort, but we had just returned from a thirteen-hour trip from N.C. You see, three weeks prior, she had been in an accident with her work, and I thought maybe she was tender from that. Still, when it seemed to get worse, we decided it was best to return to the hospital that had her original results to rule out if it had been related to her accident.
Backtrack three weeks. It seemed like it would be a reasonably quiet Thursday. Not really typical, as I had kept my 33-year-old, nonverbal son Sam home from work for the day. He had a wonderful O.T. appointment in the morning, and we were enjoying a mother-son day. That afternoon, Sam had a dentist appointment, which, thankfully, these days, he does well with.
As I sat in the room with Sam, ready to assist if needed, my phone rang. It was Sam’s work manager. I thought, well, Sam’s here, so it cannot be anything major, and I hit the button, thinking I would call her back when we are done. Not even a minute later, it rang again, and I thought, oh my goodness, there must be something wrong, as Jessica works at the same place as Sam, although she has a different manager.
I excuse myself from the room and go to take the call. I could hear it in the manager’s voice as soon as I picked up the phone; something was not quite right… the van Jessica was in, which was bringing her from the company she works at back to the main workshop the kids both work at, had been in an accident. Jessica was in the back seat of the van. She had fallen asleep, and when the accident happened, she did not see it coming and was awakened by hitting her head on the seat in front of her. She had a gouge on her head, and they had called the ambulance. At that moment, my momma’s heart froze. When I spoke to Jessica over the phone, she said, “I’m hurt” …I reassured her we would meet her at the hospital and that she would be O.K.
I got off the phone and thought, “Oh my God, what am I going to do?” After a couple of phone calls to my husband and talking to the girls in the office, we decided my husband would get Sam, and I would go to the hospital. The girls in the dentist’s office were fantastic. I tried to regain my composure, knowing Sam, who was in the middle of his teeth cleaning, was triggered by my emotions, and this could freak him out if he felt my angst. As I told the office assistants what happened, I got a text that Jessica would be going alone by ambulance, as they had to take care of the other clients. The office girls were like, “GO – Sam will be fine here until Dan gets here.” I then proceeded to go into Sam’s room and calmly tell him that I needed to leave but that Daddy was going to pick him up in a few minutes and I would see him in a little while.
As I put the address into the GPS, I found out that it was going to take me about a half hour to get to the E.R. I am praying and crying, having a million thoughts and emotions. I just left my nonverbal autistic son with three practically strangers who do not know his bouts – to be with my daughter with PWS, who is alone…ugh… talk about a mother’s heartstrings being torn. I know how Sam can get – his little tantrums or yelling…what if he has one of those behaviors with these ladies? Would they know what to do?!? On the other hand, I am thinking of Jessica riding alone in the ambulance with strangers. Would they comfort her, and is she coherent enough to tell them what is going on and what hurts?
All the time there, driving and praying. I think of our intercessors from church, and I want to reach out to them to pray, but I don’t want to stop to make a phone call. At that very moment, the head intercessor texted me about something else, thus making her number accessible without looking it up. I call her and, through my tears, tell her about my dilemma between both kids, and she prays… for them and me and assures me that she will have the team pray. It was the longest ride I have been on in a while.
I rushed into the hospital to find my baby girl in the neck brace, alone and a little in shock at all that had just happened. Her head is bruised, she cannot bend her arm, and she tells me her stomach hurts terribly, which she had not told them. When the doctor comes in and checks her tummy, she has like a 2-inch wide bruising the length of her stomach (8-10 inches long) from the impact of the seat belt. They proceed to do CT scans of her head, neck, and abdomen and an X-ray of her arm.
All the while, I was praying. You see, it is the enemy of our soul that comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and God comes to bring life. Accidents are just that, accidents, and there was no time to blame.
As I sat there, all the worst-case scenarios went through my head – what if she had a brain injury or a brain bleed? What if her internal organs had damage? I could not imagine my baby girl going through any of those things. My mind also raced to Sam – like, what if he had one of his episodes at the dentist’s office?
Then, it was like I came back to my senses—wait a minute… LORD, I am yours. I profess to be a Christian—do I really TRUST you? Verses I have known through the years began to flow through my heart and head; He has always been with me. I reminded the Lord, as if He needed to be reminded, that Jessica is His first, and He loves her more than I do. I knew He would go before us and give her all she needed.
It was at that point I came to a place of surrender. I said, to the effect, “Lord, I surrender my kids back to you. They are only on loan to me, but they belong to You first, and I will trust You with the outcome.”
Shortly after that, a tangible blanket of peace and love filled the room. I was like, “Jessica, can you feel that?” She was still in shock, but I knew we would all be OK at that moment, no matter what the outcome.
Surrender is a tricky thing. Webster defines surrender as giving up completely or agreeing to forego something, especially in favor of another. It can be challenging to surrender all our plans, hopes, and dreams and trust God. We all like to be in control, but is that even a reality?
I have had times in my past of surrender, like relationships, jobs, etcetera, but this was a whole new level. Those who have followed my journey have heard of God’s faithfulness in my life. The peace and love that I experienced that day were so tangible. Not only did I know the intercessors from church were praying, but I felt the angels surround our room.
Eight hours later, we did leave the hospital, praising God. All the scans were normal, just significant bruising. Jessica had a fever of 101 degrees upon getting to the hospital that day, which stumped the doctor. Before releasing her, they were trying to find out why, despite IV Tylenol, her temperature had only gone down to 100.7. I got a strange thought and said, check her throat; maybe something has been brewing, thus her sleeping in the van. Sure enough, she had a throat infection, unrelated to the accident.
Is there something unexpected in your life right now? An accident, of sorts? Something beyond your control? Can you surrender it to the one who loves you more than anyone? Friend, I am praying for you that in your surrender, you know that God can be trusted, no matter the outcome. I pray for God’s peace and love to fill every fiber of your being right where you are. You are loved!!
**[PS – for those wondering what happened to Jess on her second visit, it looks like it was unrelated to the accident, just a female issue.]
SHEILA BOUCHARD 